That sound was unmistakable. My breath caught and my fingers froze over the keys at the computer desk. I was at home all alone. I had a big day planned. I was going to get some emails sent out, clean my room, do the laundry, make some bread, start on dinner, and do some wedding planning. My thoughts flew to the road out front of our house. I knew what that sound meant. Shattering glass, crushing metal, and breaking plastic.
My heart was screaming, "Hurry up! hurry up! Get out there!"
My mind was screaming, "No, Rachel! Don't do it. You don't know what you might see."
Within thirty seconds I had grabbed my cellphone (I was praying I wouldn't need to call 911), slipped on my shoes and was sprinting out the driveway. My heart was racing, my stomach in my throat. What would I do? What if I had to call 911? What if someone was badly hurt? What if someone was dead?
My lips worked as I ran, "Father God, Please help whoever is in that car. God, I pray that you would give me the strength to do what I need to no matter what I might see. God give me strength because I can't do this in my own power. Only you can save, only you can give me the guts it takes to be brave right now."
I reached the end of the drive and looked down the right side of the road (I was expecting it to be there, I guess, because that is where one of the last two accidents took place). No vehicle. Something like a box was in the trees along the right side, but it wasn't a car, or a person. My gaze wandered across the road.
There it was.
I had to think for about 1/10th of a second and my fingers were typing the numbers 9-1-1. It seemed an age and a half before anyone picked up the other line.
"Hello?" My voice shook.
"Yes, what is your emergency?"
"I...um. There has just been a bad car wreck right out in front of my house."
"Ok, what is your location?"
"_ _ _ _ Hilham Rd." [you can't believe how hard it is to remember your own address in a situation like this]
"That is in _ _ _ _ _ _ county?"
"Yes sir."
"Are there any injuries?" He asked.
By this time I had crossed the road and was striding down the fence line with my eyes trained on the overturned truck.
"I am assuming so. The vehicle is on it's roof."
"I need you to check if there are people inside."
My throat clenched. What would I find on the other side of this crushed vehicle? Fear almost took over.
"Sir, I'm scared. I don't know what I might see."
"I know you are. But we need to know if anyone is hurt."
"Okay."
I prayed furiously as I came up on the battered car. How
could anyone be alive?
Oh, Father, give me courage.
Then I stepped around the vehicle.
"Yes, there is someone inside. He is injured. We need help." I could feel the adrenaline coursing through my veins. Was I going to pass out?
No. I wasn't going to pass out, because I had a job to do.
"Okay ma'am. There is someone on their way."
"Thank you." I said before hanging up.
I began to speak to the bleeding man in the truck. Thankfully, by this time someone had stopped and was jogging out to me in the field.
"Is anyone hurt?"
"Yes! Bad head injuries. Can you help?"
He knelt in the broken glass and plastic and looked into the overturned machine.
"Just him. Okay..."
"How can I help? What can I do? I can get blankets towels...anything. How about his head? Do we
need to do something until medical personnel arrive?"
"Yeah, go get some towels. I don't really know, we might need them."
I bet you if any Olympian had run as fast as I did back to the house, they would be a gold medalist. Where was this ability coming from? How was I even thinking straight?
When I returned, the guy who had stopped to help was on the phone. He then hung up and said, "We can't do anything until the ambulance gets here. His skull is cracked and it would be dangerous to try and do anything."
"Do you mind if I pray?"
"No! Go ahead."
Right there, I poured out my fear, my faith, and my hope. I prayed for life, yet at the same time I asked that God would perform His will. I stated my dependence on him and my trust for His timing. I asked for healing and life, I pleaded that peace would overwhelm the whole scene.
As I stood in the presence of the Almighty, my eyes looked on in sadness. God gives life and breath, but he is also the one who commands our destiny, even death.
I didn't want it to happen, but the picture of this crushed vehicle and broken body was etched in my mind. I know it will stay with me forever.
It seemed like hours before the first policeman arrived.
After that it was a whirl. The ambulance came. They removed he barely breathing man from the vehicle. Then a helicopter came and landed in the pasture. They life-flighted him to Vanderbilt.
After everything was cleaned up I was still replaying it in my head.
I wanted to know if he made it. How would I ever know?
Later when I was contemplating everything and trying to wind down and pray about it, my dad called me upstairs. His eyes were teary and he folded me into his arms.
"He didn't make it, Rachel."
My chest burned, and my heart ached.
The emotion of it all started to pour out of me. I escaped the house and took up residence on the back porch rail, a place where I perch when I am thinking, praying, crying, or singing. I couldn't stop the torrent from flowing out. I was sad. I wished (and still wish) I could have done something. Wasn't there anything I could have done that might have saved his life? Could I have been less of a wimp and not been scared to walk around the truck? Should I have gotten closer and tried to comfort him?
A thousand questions like these held me in the pain of uncertainty.
A thought occurred to me as I sat there. God was with me throughout the whole event. It was Him who called me to run out there in the first place. It was Him who gave me the steady hands to dial 911. It was Him who gave me the strength to cross the road. It was He who gave me the courage to go around to the other side of the truck, even when everything in me was telling me I would regret it.
I do not regret it.
God showed me how much I need to rely on him. He showed me how much I do rely on Him and somehow didn't realize it. He taught me that my hope is in Him, nothing else. He showed me what it meant to be afraid, yet act upon that fear by leaning on Him. He showed me what utter helplessness one can feel, and the all-encompassing love and peace He can give.
Don't ever think that because you are afraid, you are a wimp. If you have Christ, you are strong. You have a hope that is higher than any other. Imagine how I might have felt if I didn't have that hope. I probably would have taken a lot longer to get out to the accident. I probably would have passed out. I wouldn't have been able to pray over the dying man.
I thank The Almighty that he sent me out there. It isn't pretty to think about the things I saw. It was a rather shaking experience, really. But somehow I am thanking God that he sent me.
I can't tell you why it had to happen on February 20th. I can't tell you why it had to happen on "our" curve. I can't tell you why I was the only one home at the time. I can't tell you why I was the first one over there. I can't tell you any of this stuff, but I can say that it was all just that way for a reason.
I am grieved for the human life that ended. I wish that it hadn't happened, but at the same time I have to praise my Lord, because He knows what He is doing. I ask for peace upon the family, and grace for the rough times to come.
February 21st, I couldn't concentrate. I knew I had to go over there. I had to go see the place of the accident. My heart was heavy as I walked down the driveway. My left hand clenched my little ESV bible in my pocket. I knew the very passage I was going to read over the scene. Tears began to stream down my cheeks as I walked, remembering everything. The green wood fence was shattered in a twenty foot swath. Barbed wire and glass made the place a maze to go through. There, out in the grass was the place where the truck had landed on its roof. Little belongings, change, pieces of
headlights, and fence lay all around the gasoline stained area.
Flashbacks brought me to the day before.
I reached back in my pocket and pulled out my bible. People drove by on the road, probably wondering what I was doing. I didn't care though. I was going to pray over this spot. I was going to read Psalm 139.
My voice shook as I cried. I couldn't understand where the emotion was coming from. It felt like I
was being folded into loving, strong arms.
Here I read Psalm 139 out loud:
O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
You understand my thought from afar.
3 You scrutinize my path and my lying down,
And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
4 Even before there is a word on my tongue,
Behold, O Lord, You know it all.
5 You have enclosed me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high, I cannot attain to it.
7 Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in Sheol, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the dawn,
If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand will lead me,
And Your right hand will lay hold of me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will overwhelm me,
And the light around me will be night,”
12 Even the darkness is not dark to You,
And the night is as bright as the day.
Darkness and light are alike to You.
13 For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
16 Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.
17 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.
When I awake, I am still with You.
19 O that You would slay the wicked, O God;
Depart from me, therefore, men of bloodshed.
20 For they speak against You wickedly,
And Your enemies take Your name in vain.
21 Do I not hate those who hate You, O Lord?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against You?
22 I hate them with the utmost hatred;
They have become my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me and know my anxious thoughts;
24 And see if there be any hurtful way in me,
And lead me in the everlasting way.
This was the very cry of my heart as I stood and sobbed.
Peace. Peace. Peace.
He was there, holding me.
Without the Almighty I am nothing. I was nothing, am nothing, and never would be anything without Him. By His hand, I was an angel on the scene.
~Rachel
I pray every day that God creates in me a heart that can deal with any living situation and still find joy in living in His world. I want to be able to glorify him through the little things as well as the big things. In my day-to-day walk I want to always be pointing to Him in some way or another. Isn't that why I was made? Isn't that why you were made?